


Pointless

by shakespearespaz



Category: Revolution (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, Gen, Internal Monologue, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-21
Updated: 2012-11-21
Packaged: 2017-11-19 05:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/569624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakespearespaz/pseuds/shakespearespaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Episode 1x09 Kashmir. An exploration of Rachel's thoughts during the final scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pointless

She doesn’t think about the actual act. She thinks of it as something simple, as a catharsis, as if she forces into one swift reflex all her remaining strength. 

(Under her thin but firm mask she loses track of what does remain.)

It’s a harmless gesture except to oneself, if she imagines she punches a wall, punctures the wall, except it isn’t a wall it’s a warm body and when it breathes and scowls and pleads and asks her why, she stops herself from exploring how it came to this.

Her words come out a mess. 

There is no blood on her when she pulls back and he falls to the floor. If she drops the weapon she wonders fleetingly if life could return to the tense but existent dance it had been before. 

(It couldn’t.)

She drops it. 

Warm hands grasp her arms. She expected this. She knew what she was doing.

Tears she was never prepared to shed dry in her eyes and she almost lets herself revel in his look of disbelief. But it’s the anger slowly diffusing through the shock that leaves an unsettled something in her gut. 

“Now you need me.”

It’s the last shot she can get off before all hell will break loose. 

\--

The handcuffs hurt. 

She keeps telling herself she’s not dead. Danny’s not dead. 

Others are though. Many are. (Does she care about them?) But down that path lies nothing helpful, nothing but pain and despair and pointless philosophies. 

The pain in her hand now is far from pointless; she almost has the cuff slid off. Small hands are useful—useful for squeezing out of handcuffs, useful for building sensitive equipment that doesn’t work, useful for hiding answers in small spaces, useful for killing.

And able to kill. Her hands are now able to kill. (They carry within their physical presence the potential to end a life, to make one suffer.)

Focus on the task at hand. At hand. Ha. She wonders if she’s going crazy. 

No.

She should be, but there’s an anchor. 

It comforted her in a comfortless place with all the comforts she desired. (Everything decayed except that which she could live without.)

Small surprise she killed before, killed now and would kill again. Past, present, future. Where was she?

Ah, yes. Anchor.

She knows. She finds it easier to play dumb, but she knows. Yet she stalls; who wants to be the messiah? (Besides, she wonders which creature decided mankind deserved salvation.) She stalls and she knows.

Will she be the last to die?

If they take Danny, she might. If they find Charlie, she might. If Miles returns, she most certainly will. If, if, if…she is certain of nothing.

Self-preservation. If she is preserving herself, she could’ve escaped over the years. (She ignores that fact that all escapes had the same destination.)

Why does she grapple each day, taunt her captors and suffer the consequences? Because.

(The end is not near; the beginning is.) 

She has to try.


End file.
